So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
