How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
