Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
