I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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