Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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