Tell her she can't have a vagina
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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