I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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