you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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