If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
