You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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