Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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