Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
