Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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