did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
