last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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