I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you didnt know i had herpes?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
