Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
