time to smoke my breakfast
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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