In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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