You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
