Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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