Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
