I think I died a long time ago.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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