you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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