Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
