Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
