He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
