This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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