"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
