I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
