You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
