by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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