My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
