I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
