He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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