I didn't shave. On purpose
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
