youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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