So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
