i barfeds in our rink
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish there were birth control emojis
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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