Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
