Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
