she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize