my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
