erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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