my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
