The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
