Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
