I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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