Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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