Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
