I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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