you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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