Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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