Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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