I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
