My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
