I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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