Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
