He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
