it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
