I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This is my gift to your gina
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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