Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
