can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
