if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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