Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
