I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
