Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
