Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
