would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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