I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
