and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
