At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
