New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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