I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
