What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
