"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
