I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
