that's an acceptable place to lick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
