dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
