Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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