I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
