drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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