I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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